His Version of The Events – or – How the Garden Came to be Completely Destroyed


That’s me.

Chester’s Lawn and Garden Service Saint Paul, MN.

I work for food.  Only food.  Lots of  food.

Menu of Services:

1) Fertilization:  I utilize only the freshest organic nitrogen-rich fertilizer, administered warm to avoid temperature shock for the poor plants.  Occasionally the degree of nitrogen-deprivation will demand additional treatments.               My brother, Rafa, often assists with smaller applications.




2) Shrub trimming and removal:  Please rest assured that I only remove those shrubs that I deem unsightly or otherwise inappropriate for your garden.


This raspberry was poorly placed. I fixed it.


I removed this “perennial” hibiscus. Hello Zone 5.

3) Zone consultation:  I find it best to simply eliminate plants that will not perform well following frigid Minnesota winters.  Better to shed one tear now than a river of tears in the spring.

4) Digging:  Please defer to my excellent judgment regarding hole placement and size.

5) Weeding:  Anything I don’t like is a weed.  Plan accordingly.


I added a nice hole beneath this drainage pipe. Instant water feature!


6) Water feature installation:  I love envisioning how to unite water and holes in holy matrimony.  Mud is an under-appreciated garden feature and I intend to rectalfy that situation.


I tested this corner of the house for lead. Results: negative.

7) Lead testing:  I test all samples myself and will let you know if I develop symptoms indicative of lead intoxication.


8) Digging:  Did I mention my digging skills?  Fences do not present a problem.  I’m fully capable of working around, under, and through fences.

9) Architectural consultation:  If I notice a glaring anachronism in the structure of your home, I’ll be certain to identify it clearly so that you may correct the issue posthaste.


I removed this tacky gravel that covers up a lovely stone foundation and discovered cheap insulation. No lead.


The quality of this screen material is TERRIBLE. I notified the homeowners.


Note the dead hops vine that I nipped in the bud. I also modified the arbor – too symmetric.






10) Temperance monitoring:  Selective winnowing of Crops of Libation (hops and grapes in particular) should be undertaken early and often.  The most effective technique is to bite off the vines just as they emerge from the ground.

11) Relaxation reminders:  I leave a series of stinky reminders at regularly timed intervals in the yard and garden.  Thus, you are pulled from your home into the serenity of the garden at least four times a day.  You’re welcome.

Please call me for an estimate.  I work for food.  And sometimes stuff that I mistake for food.  But mainly food.

Musical Moment


Here I am after a hard day’s work.


Rafa, exhausted after an intensive fertilization project.

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