The Seedy Underbelly of Spontaneous Homeschooling

The Big E went back to school yesterday after Monday and Tuesday cancellations due to extreme cold, making a grand total of five weather days in the last month.  Woo hoo!  No school!  Before I catalog a number of our scholarly activities, allow me to express how grateful I am for the familial flexibility that allows me to care for my son during periods of unexpected furlough.

Here are the highlights of our time together:

1)    Fieldtrip to Target to purchase a new vacuum.  The Big E unpacked and assembled it.  Then he spent 2.5 hours experimenting with the various attachments.  Best. Toy. Ever.IMG_5841









2)    My charming son combined a couple recipes, formulating a new cleaning solution.  I suggested that perhaps we could start with a quantity smaller than a gallon.  He successfully halved the recipe.  After we funneled the foamy potion into a spray bottle, he set about documenting functionality.  I provided rags.IMG_5851

3)    No sleeping in for us!  The Big E woke up raring to go at 6:41 Monday morning.  Me: “Go eat ice cream or sharpen knives or something.  I just need ten more minutes…”  Tuesday I set the alarm so Rafa wouldn’t be late for his vet appointment.  The vet is conveniently located across the street from Keys Café and Bakery.  The Big E and I ordered dessert for breakfast: hot chocolate and Belgian waffles with powdered sugar.  My son declined the Log Cabin syrup upon learning that it doesn’t come from trees, swelling my heart in a moment of maternal pride.  I was content to douse my own waffle in corn syrup and anemic imported strawberries.

4)    The Big E ate dessert for lunch that day, too, in a breakfast replay featuring organic maple syrup and real butter.

5)    We tried to go sledding with a school buddy.  The mothers and sons got all bundled up and drove to a suitable hill.  Halfway up the hill we understood why we were the only ones present as the wind whipped up over the crest in a 40 mph demonstration of Bernoulli’s Principle.  The gale ripped the sleds from our hands and deposited them a quarter mile away on the neighboring golf course.  Ice cream seemed a natural antidote to our weather woes.

6)    The Big E dragged out every available edible petroleum byproduct and began building a cabin.  “Mama, I just made the lake.  I made it out of sprinkles.  I didn’t actually try to make it this deep.”









7)    I subjected my son to a Disney movie.  Frozen, of course.  He tolerated it.  I went into it biased by Philip Cohen’s article, “’Help, My Eyeball Is Bigger Than My Wrist!’: Gender Dimorphism in Frozen.  I’d like to add a few addenda to Dr. Cohen’s insightful commentary.

a)   “Help, my eyeball is bigger than my waist!”

b)   “Help, I’m deferring to my husband and he’s an idiot!”

c)   “Help, I created this awesome ice palace and forgot to make a kitchen!”

d)   “Help, I’m subsisting entirely on one handful of chocolate!”

e)    “Help, I’m in renal failure because I NEVER PEE!”

f)    Help, Disney thinks redheads and trolls add sufficient diversity!

g)   Help, “Let It Go” sounds like a Gym Class Heroes tune! (start each vid at :55)

h)   Hooray, Disney mocked its own True Love’s Kiss trope!

i)     Hooray, females can save themselves!

j)     Hooray, Kristen Bell knows how to sing!

8) I envisioned writing a story together, The Big E and I, and then asking Rafa to play the various (costumed) roles.  Maybe we’ll write one on Friday when we have a scheduled release day.  Argh.

Musical Moment

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