Author Archives: anne

Dear Al Franken

He corners me in the stairwell, away from the other kids.  “Show me what’s under your underwear,” he demands, “or I’ll hurt you.”  I’m scared and ashamed.  I lift my skirt and show him the edge of my underwear, trying … Continue reading

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Asshole

A hemorrhoid, That’s what he is. A fungating mass lurking at the anus of our democracy.   Easily irritated, Readily inflamed, Leaching the lifeblood from our veins.   Embarrassing.  Slimy.  Disgusting.   We knew it could be big trouble, This … Continue reading

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If the Shoe Fits

We spent last week at my in-laws’ lake shack.  The conditions of my participation in lake shacking include: 1) a functioning indoor toilet 2) running water. Spiders don’t bother me in the least.  I love snakes.  And I can even … Continue reading

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Radical Acceptance: Bad S*** Consistently Happens

Ace, The Big E, and I escaped to small-town Wisconsin for two days last week.  We crossed streets without getting run over, shopped in the farmers’ market, and snarfed preternaturally sweet corn-on-the-cob.  I basked in the luxury of off-line ignorance … Continue reading

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Innocence

We take the bus to the debate tournament – Molly and I in our backless sweaters, convinced that feminine wiles are a major player in our offensive strategy. Where do I meet him exactly?  Maybe in the hall between rounds, … Continue reading

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MWF Seeking SFuPo

Hey stranger.  Yeah, you.  The furry one with whiskers and cute pointy ears.  How about moving in with me for a long-term, committed, platonic love relationship? I’m a middle-aged gal who’s used to canine-ical polyamory.  Due to the recent demise … Continue reading

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Dear Class of 2017 Liberal Arts Graduates:

Congratulations.  I hope you aren’t saddled with unmanageable student debt. We need to talk.  I know you’re capable of reading above a third-grade level for prolonged periods of time, certainly longer than a 140-character tweet.  If forced to condense my … Continue reading

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Rafa

I’m sitting in the waiting room of the emergency vet clinic at the University of Minnesota.  The hum of the vending machines.  Folks typing at the reception desk.  Sneet falling on the skylights above my head. Last night The Big … Continue reading

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Church Camp

We meet in the church parking lot and stuff our ratty sleeping bags into the back of a rickety school bus.  No one checks our bags.  The bus zips out highway 55, making a brief stop in Plymouth to pick … Continue reading

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There’s No Place Like –

I left for college with one bad fiberfill pillow and a quilt that I covered with two sensible blue-with-white pinstriped poly blend twin sheets.  Tommis, my girl-cat, helped me hand-tie the quilt overlay, all of us (including the quilt) lounging … Continue reading

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